Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
