yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
