I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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