Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
