We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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