i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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