Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
