I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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