i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
