He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
