Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
