Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
