She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm like, not good at living.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
