Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
