where am i from again
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
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Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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