i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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