yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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