Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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