i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
