Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
