Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.