Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
