I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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