you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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