Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
