Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
