Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I love having hate sex.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
