OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize