i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
being pregnant is like rehab
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
