apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I know her cup size but not her name....
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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