Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
