what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
