no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
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pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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