You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
