I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
COCAINE IS GR8
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
