nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
