i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You took a bar mat shot.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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