I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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