he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize