i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
