I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
