happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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