did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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