You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
