i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The police scanner is talking about you again....
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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