Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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