Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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