i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
