Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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