I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
