The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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