I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
