We're facebook friends in real life
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.