tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize