I hope mine doesn't look like that
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You are the jesus of drinking
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
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