I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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