Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.

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(817): I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone. http://tfl.nu/zv8s

Replies (28) Good night (2313) Bad night (1110)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Ben's a prick.

(1-404): View more from Georgia

What Ben are you talking about?

(404): View more from Georgia

All the bens across all the lands

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(404): Ben's a prick. (1-404): What Ben are you talking about? (404): All the bens across all the lands http://tfl.nu/b5yr

Replies (153) Good night (2789) Bad night (2069)
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(+44): View more from England

You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.

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(+44): You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway. http://tfl.nu/z6cq

Replies (34) Good night (6005) Bad night (1388)
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(626): View more from California

He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.

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(626): He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is. http://tfl.nu/ui1w

Replies (62) Good night (1210) Bad night (7591)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?

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(404): Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them? http://tfl.nu/ts8z

Replies (12) Good night (7976) Bad night (702)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...

(1-614): View more from Ohio

FUCK YOU.

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(614): Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours... (1-614): FUCK YOU. http://tfl.nu/d4zw

Replies (69) Good night (4152) Bad night (2720)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere

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(908): it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere http://tfl.nu/0cj1

Replies (17) Good night (6685) Bad night (988)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...

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(865): His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation... http://tfl.nu/uas5

Replies (24) Good night (4564) Bad night (1474)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me

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(+44): i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me http://tfl.nu/srm7

Replies (9) Good night (961) Bad night (3012)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"

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(973): when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!" http://tfl.nu/xs9f

Replies (3) Good night (2629) Bad night (1065)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.

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(270): True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor. http://tfl.nu/bso0

Replies (11) Good night (1997) Bad night (1032)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it

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(215): It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it http://tfl.nu/0xgu

Replies (9) Good night (1786) Bad night (721)
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(614): View more from Ohio

The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.

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(614): The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception. http://tfl.nu/6prr

Replies (7) Good night (872) Bad night (312)
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(+81): View more from

I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.

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(+81): I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue. http://tfl.nu/z1d0

Replies (0) Good night (234) Bad night (555)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.

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(610): I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast. http://tfl.nu/ocy2

Replies (4) Good night (803) Bad night (277)

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