matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
