so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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