i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just had sex on a roof
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
