Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
