You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
