So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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