my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
