Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
