My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
