I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
