I threw up into my coffee this morning.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
