I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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