You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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