she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
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we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
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I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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