that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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