Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
