He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
