Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
