He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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