i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
