when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
