Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
