I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
