I wish I could teleport
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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