For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
