Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
